Free Assessment · Volare Counseling
Am I Self-Abandoning?
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A 2-minute checklist from a licensed counselor to help you recognize the patterns — and start changing them.
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Self-Assessment
7 Signs You're Self-Abandoning
(Without Realizing It)
Check every one that resonates. Then click “What to do about this” under each item for a practical first step.
You say yes when you mean no
You agree to things out of guilt, fear of conflict, or because you don't want to disappoint. Your calendar is full of commitments that drain you.
You apologize for having needs
When you ask for something, you immediately soften it with "sorry" or "I know it's a lot to ask." Your needs feel like a burden to the people around you.
You know how everyone else feels, but not how YOU feel
You're the friend everyone calls for advice, but when someone asks "how are you?", you go blank. You've become an expert in others' inner worlds while losing access to your own.
You make yourself smaller to keep the peace
You dim your opinions, swallow your frustrations, or let things slide to avoid rocking the boat. You'd rather be uncomfortable than make someone else uncomfortable.
You feel resentful but don't know why
You do everything "right" — show up, help, give — and then feel quietly angry. The resentment builds because you're giving away what you actually need for yourself.
You're exhausted but can't rest
Resting feels selfish. You fill every quiet moment with productivity, scrolling, or caretaking. Stillness feels dangerous — like something will fall apart or you'll have to feel something.
You've lost touch with what you actually want
If someone asked 'what do you want for dinner?' and you genuinely don't know — that's a signal. You've been so focused on others that your own desires have gone quiet.
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About the Author
Andrea Cruz, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Counselor · Founder, Volare Counseling
Andrea is a licensed counselor specializing in trauma, nervous-system regulation, and the quiet patterns that keep people small. With years of clinical leadership experience and a deeply integrative approach blending clinical expertise with somatic practices, she created Volare to make counseling accessible, community-driven, and deeply human.
Her approach is warm, practical, and direct: she meets you where you are and helps you see what you couldn't see on your own.
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